Scared To Leave, Afraid To Stay:
Paths From Family Violence To Safety
by Barry Goldstein
How does a woman leave the man who is abusing her?
What is it like for a woman to leave the man who is abusing her? This book presents the stories of ten women as they fought the courts and their abusers to gain safety for themselves and their children. The author demonstrates how courts handle divorce, custody, visitation, support, child abuse, marital property, orders of protection and crimes when domestic violence erupts. He also discusses the common tactics abusers use to maintain control over their partners. The average abused wife makes seven attempts to leave her abuser. Each time she learns more about the resources available. By providing information about how to leave someone who is abusing you, this book makes it easier for women to escape. The brave women described in Scared To Leave, Afraid to Stay all faced serious hardships and threats, but they found there can be a better life. None of them ever chose to go back to a life of violence.
•Scared To Leave, Afraid to Stay shows how ten women left their abusers and what happened to them before, during and after leaving.
•Scared To Leave, Afraid to Stay offers practical advice to women facing the difficulties of domestic violence and helps them find the resources necessary to escape.
•The book answers such questions as: Why do women stay with men who abuse them? What happens to the children? Are judges always reasonable, and is there more they can do to end domestic violence? What causes men to abuse their partners? Don't women also abuse men? And most importantly, how can we end domestic violence?
Barry Goldstein’s new book presents the stories of ten women who fought the courts and their abusers to gain safety for them-selves and their children.
It answers such questions as: Why do women stay with men who abuse them? What happens to the children? Are judges always reasonable, and is there more they can do to end domestic violence? What causes men to abuse their partners? Do women also abuse men? And most importantly, how can we end domestic violence?
The author demonstrates how courts handle divorce, custody, visitation, support, child abuse, marital property, orders of protection, and crimes when domestic violence erupts. He also discusses common tactics used by abusers to maintain control over their partners.
Scared To Leave, Afraid to Stay offers practical advice to women facing the difficulties of domestic violence and helps them find the resources necessary to escape. The brave women described in this book all faced serious hardships and threats, but they found paths toward better lives. None of them ever chose to go back to a life of violence.
Barry Goldstein has practiced law in New York since 1978. He served on the Board of Directors of My Sisters’ Place, one of the leading domestic vio-lence agencies in the country for 14 years. He spent four years as Chairperson. As a re-sult, many domestic violence agencies have referred clients to Mr. Goldstein because he is one of the few lawyers with expertise in domestic violence and because of his willing-ness to take cases on a pro bono or reduced fee basis. Mr. Goldstein has also worked with the Community Change Project of the Volunteer Counseling Service in Rockland County, New York, since January of 1999 teaching domestic violence classes for men who have been convicted of domestic violence crimes.
5-STAR REVIEWS:
The author proves everyone can leave, March 20, 2007
Congratulations to Barry Goldstein for writing "Scared to Leave, Afraid to Stay," a book that gives hope to women caught in domestic violence that they can successfully leave. Goldstein, an attorney in New York who has become an expert on domestic violence issues and long time board member and past chairman of My Sisters Place, certainly has the experience and background to write this book.
The information is broken down into ten real-life case studies of heroic women who had the courage to leave their abusers and start over. The lack of support that the women received through the courts, and the quagmire of red tape that the women had to go through in custody cases, was shocking in several of the case studies. I was appalled to read in one case where a report of a father inappropriately kissing his four and six year old daughters on their vaginas was allowed unrestricted visitation. He had full sexual relations with one of the daughters on their next visit. I was also amazed at how often the abusers were allowed to get away with continued harassment. The author does show that the laws are finally getting better for protecting women, but we still have a long way to go.
Goldstein did a great job of breaking the cases studies down into sections on the history of the divorce, the divorce itself, custody issues, financial issues and many more topics. He takes a very caring approach to his cases and really goes the extra mile to ensure the women and children's safety. These stories really show that people can get away from these awful situations and find safety and happiness for them and their children.
The final chapters of the book give great advice on how to get help and find the right people to get out of a bad situation. I highly recommend "Scared to Leave, Afraid to Stay" for people suffering from domestic violence and those that are trying to help them get out of it. It may not be an easy road, but definitely worth it at the end.
From utter darkness to light and hope..., August 28, 2002
From the dungeon of misery in abusive relationships, ten women and their children broke their way to the surface and found light.
The process was not easy, as Barry Goldstein, an attorney specializing in helping battered women find hope, demonstrates in this straight-talk book.
But in "Scared To Leave, Afraid To Stay" Goldstein also reveals in user-friendly legalese that behind the mountains of paperwork and lengthy court appearances, callous judges and biased experts, there are people like him who care. Mostly, in the follow-up to each case Goldstein tells how these women were able to rebuild their lives and the lives of their children. They found happiness, they found meaning, they found themselves. They found hope.
They gave their children the future that their fathers were intent on robbing.
The book also contains practical information and resources.
I recommend SCARED TO STAY, AFRAID TO LEAVE to anyone who is living the hell of abusive relationship or has a loved one that is scared to leave. I recommend the book to all others who should learn to understand the secretive dark side of love gone awry--and our society's failure to respond and treat it.
If you think you know about marital abuse the true life stories in this book will shock you. It gives the inside story of judicial crimes against abused women from an attorney with years of experience in the field, as well as sensible recommendations for reform.
An up-close and personal look at domestic violence, July 2, 2002
Reviewer: A reader Scared To Leave, Afraid To Stay is a book that shows what it is like for a woman to leave the man that is abusing her. While there are many good domestic violence books, none combine an understanding of domestic violence with knowledge of the law like this book does. I found myself caring about the women described in the book and wishing all women could have an attorney as caring as the author. This book will be popular with domestic violence victims and their advocates. I only hope some judges read it also.
Hard cover; 6 x 9, ISBN 1-931741-08-5; $24.95 plus $3.50 shipping and handling.
The author proves everyone can leave, March 20, 2007